Duvet Days

You may have noticed the tumbleweeds and ghosts of cartoons past milling around the blog for the past week. The reason? I've been hiding under the duvet, eyes shut, fingers in ears whispering 'I suck' over and over again.

For those who don't know, I'm bipolar which is a very fashionable mental illness to have don't ya know. Stephen Fry has it, Russell Brand has it, Kurt Cobain had it: so for once in my life I'm actually trendy.

If you don't know what bipolar disorder is (often called manic depression), it's a mood disorder in which a person alternates between states of mania and depression. Here's the Wikipedia article about Bipolar Disorder.

The mania, for me, makes me super productive, very impulsive and giddy as a school kid. I'm social, witty, don't need sleep, easily excited etc... Imagine a kid on those blue Smarties from the 80s and you're in the right ball park.

I can do anything, be anyone when I'm manic, and often start projects that are destined to crash and burn thanks to the inevitable arrival of... The Depression! I seem to get more of this and I'm sure I don't have to explain depression to people. Mine always starts with general feeling of disassociation with the world...hence all the duvet time. My brain has to Ctrl Alt Del so I find myself sleeping for days.

The depression has been lingering for the past few months and at times I can be in a mixed state where I'm depressed but functioning faster than a cheetah on speed. It's easy to commit to a drawing per day when your mind races at a million miles an hour. Trying to be funny when you wish your were dead is another thing altogether.

Because of this week long low I've come to the decision that I won't be promising a post every day but will be posting as much as possible with a view to completing the 365 days - and beyond! It might take me more than a year but it's worth it if it means I spend less time crying myself to sleep for days on end.

So now that I've written my essay here's the drawing. The stickmen represent how quickly I've forgotton how to draw people.

I love doing the blog and I love all the people I've met so far so I refuse to be battered by the lows. If you'll stick with me then I'll keep posting. What'd you say?